Ways of Being

Kindness

jouellette@eksento.com — 2008-03-26T18:42:12-04:00

Yet, some of us forget to include ourselves in the Kindness Chain. On some often unconscious, level, we may believe that taking time for ourselves is a selfish act. We doubt that we are deserving of personal time when there is so much (else) to do. And so, we wait for Me Time. We say: when I retire, when I change jobs or when I am on holiday, I will have more time for myself. When my children leave home, when my relationship circumstances are different, or when I move from the city, I will have more time. We say maybe next week, next month or even next year. We forget or perhaps have never known that personal quality time is a Sacred Space where we revive our spirit, re-create our focus, and experience a general sense of well being. A space of recovery is to be cherished now. Not only later.

If we repeatedly decide to put our needs last on the list, it may be a good time for us to evaluate the purpose served by this choice. In the short run, it may free up some time for other things perceived as being more important, but in the long run, continually putting our needs on the back burner will likely affect our health, our sense of purpose, our mental disposition and our happiness quotient. Waiting for Me Time can trigger anger, frustration, and sadness. We cannot create more personal time by simply talking about it; we need to approach Me Time in a positive way. We need to learn that kindness to self is not a selfish choice.

IN-SIGHT: Do I sometimes believe that other people’s personal or work-related needs are more important than my own? If so, why are they more important? Who is ranking the importance? Should I update my definition of what is important?

Self-awareness and kindness towards self are paths that lead us back to our core being. The process of Kindness to Self begins with simple questions: Who am I? What do I like, want or need? Are my basic and essential needs being met in ways that provide a sense of true balance in my life? Do I tell others what I need and how I feel? How are my needs changing? What do I deserve? Answers come to us when we are ready to listen and are willing to do the inner work with compassion and patience. By neglecting to hear our own voice over a lifetime, we may have come to feel invisible in our own life. We no longer see what needs to be seen. And we stumble to avoid our own shadow…

IN-SIGHT: I give myself permission to recognize and release the “judgemental part of me” that makes me feel guilty for taking the time to care for my personal needs. I will not wait for “more me time” in the future. I choose to be kind to myself now. Kindness to self is not self-indulgent; it is self-affirming.

Dreams and Goals

jouellette@eksento.com — 2008-02-19T09:31:41-05:00

We all learn about this distance in our own way. I learned about it in a creative writing class where, beyond writing technique and style, the teacher raised our consciousness and awareness about the process of “dream making”. She taught us that we cannot become a writer (dream), unless we make writing a part of our daily life (goal). We cannot actualize a dream without planning for it, working at it, indeed BEING IT. We can dream about becoming a carpenter, yet if we never touch a piece of wood, we will never be a carpenter. We can dream of being a musician, but unless we choose an instrument and learn to play it, we can never be a musician. Goals are the specifics that give focus to the imagination; they allow our passion to take form.

It helps to view our dream more as a destination than a desire. My dream may be to publish but my goal is to write. Is realizing the dream important? Yes. But the process to get there is even more important. It is within this process that learning takes place and changes our life forever.

IN-SIGHT: Ask yourself: What do I do that makes me happier, more than anything else I do? Is that where my true contentment lies? Do I dream about bringing more of “that” into my life? How will I do it?

If we are not progressing towards our Life’s Work, we may have been repeating Tiny Negative Scripts in our mind — “I don’t have time to do this right now.”, “I have too much going on to focus on this.” “I don’t know what to do or how to start.” Limiting beliefs fuel unproductive behaviours and attitudes wrapped in guilt and dusted with fears. Little Lies we tell ourselves may have become an excuse to stay in a comfort zone where it feels safe, although perhaps not so comfortable anymore.

IN-SIGHT: Ask yourserlf: If I no longer feel like my dreams are still possible for me, what would bring the feeling of limitless opportunity back into my life? Do I still feel a sense of awe when I think about my lifelong dreams?

To move towards a life we are passionate about, we need to plan how to reach our Desired Destination, and we need to know why that destination (still) matters to us. Dreams and goals need regular updates. If we have lost touch as to why we want something, it becomes essentially irrelevant. Without self-understanding, our dreams stand still, and so do we.

Even when our life is good, we can always make it better, more authentic and synchronized with our true self. Dreams and goals are ways to improve an already good life. They make it a great life.

A PLACE OF CHANGE: Think of a lifelong dream that you have not yet realized. How is your personal happiness linked to this dream?